I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
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P.S. I can't hear my feet
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
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well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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