I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize