it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
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WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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