my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
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He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
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would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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