if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
nutella sex= disaster
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
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No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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