I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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