If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
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We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
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Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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