I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
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The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Boobs are out for the taking
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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