I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
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you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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