i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize