I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize