She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
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I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
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I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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