So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
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I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
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Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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