he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
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That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
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I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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