why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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