omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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