I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize