i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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