i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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