I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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