Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
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Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
They took my balls.
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I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
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