Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize