Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize