My liver just broke up with me...
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
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We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
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Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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