Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
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the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
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I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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