Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
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are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize