im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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