apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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