when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize