He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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