The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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