Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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