Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize