i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
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So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
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I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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