I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
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i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
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my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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