i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
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He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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