I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize