I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
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Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
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I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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