I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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