My hand turned me down
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
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He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
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GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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