omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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