I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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