Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
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