you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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