Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
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You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
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I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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