I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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