I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
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I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
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It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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