break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
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i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
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Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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