You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
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My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
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Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize