i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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