the condom got lost in my hair
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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